btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
