On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize