You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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