oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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