I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
