I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
