Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
