How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
