your parents love me but you hate me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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