If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
