We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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