sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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