Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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