Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
