VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My cat gives me a boner
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
