I'm gonna have a badass scar
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
