What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
