fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How does one acquire holy water?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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