My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
