Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
