I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
