I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
