I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
