Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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