I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
