just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
