so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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