Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
