birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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