just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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