This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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