Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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