Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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