Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All the doctor said was why
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
