I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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