i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
