Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
