he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
