sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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