pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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