I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
