I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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