We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
