dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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