dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
