Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
