I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
