yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
