god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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