He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
