Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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