Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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