she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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